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Post by Mikki on Feb 4, 2006 9:47:57 GMT 2
the thing i immediatly noticed is your paragraph structure!!!
it is awesome!!! i hate it when people have like one-sentenced paragraphs. (like me! le grr.)
lkajs';odiaj;v af
sorry. hyper and random. and i really like your story -it's the first one that i've read about harry having a sibling. very original!
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 4, 2006 9:57:18 GMT 2
tah.... ;D yeah - that bugs me too...... one of the many reasons i love yours - you do better than you credit yourself for!! im just a bit of a gramma freak thats all i read sooooooooooo many books that i pick up how to use language to the best advantage and i pick up lots of really cool words like impudent...... love that word!!
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Post by Mikki on Feb 4, 2006 21:48:33 GMT 2
well pawly!
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 6, 2006 11:18:05 GMT 2
just finding the next post - post next!! ;D
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 6, 2006 11:22:59 GMT 2
Chapter 6 Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry
When they had reached inside the cave the boats floated up to a small pebbly underground harbour. They all clambered out and followed Hagrid up to a passage that led to the flowing lawns of the school grounds. They then trouped up to a large set of oak doors. Hagrid rammed on the doors three times then stood back. The doors flew open and light flooded onto the first years. When all their eyes adjusted to the brightness of the light the saw that a lady was standing in the door way. She was tall and had black hair that was in a firm bun near the top of her head. And she looked a little old, yet stern and alert. When she saw Hagrid and the first years behind him, she said, “Ah, Hagrid, well I see you’ve delivered the first years all in one piece, we will see you in the hall later?” Hagrid nodded then turned and left, heading towards a small wooden hut at the edge of a forest. When Hagrid had gone, the lady turned to the first years and said, “If you will follow me please,” and she turned and started walking. As Jiara walked in through the doors, the full impact of how big the Entrance Hall was hit her; it could have easily fit several Cathedrals. She, with the rest of the group, followed the lady. When everyone had entered the side room, the woman turned to them. “Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, my name is Professor McGonagall. In a moment, you will enter into the Great Hall and be sorted into one of the four School houses. The names of the houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. I will give you a moment to tidy yourselves up,” at this she eyed several people, including Aaron, whose hair was all messed up from either the wind, or else the playful fights he and Brett had been having, “and then I will take you through to the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony.” Then Professor McGonagall turned and left the room. As soon as she left, the group burst into speech. Jiara turned to her friends. “Do any of you know what we have to do in the sorting?” she asked nervously. They all shook their heads. “I thought you just got put in whatever house your parents want you to be in and if you’re muggle born they just choose randomly,” replied Scott. “Well, obviously not,” commented Hilary, “I bet…” Just then, Professor McGonagall walked in and beckoned them all forward. They walked across the hall to another set of doors. When Professor McGonagall opened them to reveal a magnificent eating hall. There were four house tables, magnificently decorated in their house colours, adorned by glittering gold plates, goblets and cutlery; the ceiling was reflecting the star pricked velvety black sky outside and hundreds of candles hovered above the heads of the black robed students, whose talking rose in volume at the sudden entrance, and then abruptly fell. Professor McGonagall led them down a gap between two tables and up to the front of a table facing the other four were the students sat. There was, sitting on a stool in front of them, an old, old hat that had a large rip at the very bottom. It was patched and frayed and very grubby. Suddenly, the whole hall fell silent; everyone was focussed on the hat. Then, the rip near the rim started to widen and the hat began to sing,
Hello there new first years, I see you are quite scared And I know, I would be If I’d come so unprepared. Now I am the sorting hat, And sorting is my job To put you in your proper house But choice I’ll never rob. You may choose if you wish, Your favourite house, oh sure But you may find that afterwards, My choice would be more pure. You may belong in Hufflepuff, Where they’re loyal and true. You may find that Ravenclaw, With brains, will more suit you. You might be one of Slytherin, With sly and clever fiends. Or with courageous Gryffindors, That you will find your friends. So come along and try me on Though I am worn and bare, I’ll put you in you proper house, You’ll find I am quite fair.
When the hat had finished its song, the whole hall burst into applause. The hat bowed to each of the tables once then became still. “When I call your name, you will come out to the front and put the sorting hat on and you will be sorted into your house,” called Professor McGonagall as the noise went down again. It seemed to take an age for Professor McGonagall to call Jiara’s name, but when she did, Jiara found that she was a bit scared. As she walked up, Jiara heard that everyone had become suddenly quiet; she could feel the eyes like sharp knives sticking into her back. She continued to the stool and sat down, the hat was placed on her head and it fell down past her eyes and came to a stop on her nose. Suddenly, Jiara heard a voice in her ear; the hat was talking to her. “So, Miss Potter, you’re excited about all this magic. Yet, I see that you’ve known about it all of your life, you just didn’t recognise it. Well, well, now, I see courage, loyalty, and spirit, oh yes and, what’s this? A power, I’m sure Dumbledore knows all about that, your mother had it too, though hers was stronger.” Jiara was a bit upset; she only had less of the power because she hadn’t touched the pendant. “Oh I see, you have been a good girl and done what your mother told you. Well, I see I’m getting off the plot, I’m supposed to be sorting you, and we had better make it the same as both your mother and father, and that was GRYFFINDOR!” the last word the hat said, was shouted for everyone to hear. The table to the right erupted with applause. The hat was taken off of her head and Jiara walked, smiling, to the table that had been cheering the hardest. The thing that Jiara was most glad about was that she was in the same house as her friends and the same house her mother and father had been in. Soon the last person was sorted and Professor Dumbledore stood up and waited for the hall to fall silent, which didn’t take very long, and he addressed them in a loud strong voice that was surprising for a man so old. He had silver-grey hair and beard that was so long that he could easily tuck them into his belt. He wore sweeping robes of deep plum that had silver stars studded on it and a pair of half-moon glasses that sat on his long crooked nose. “There are just a few start of term notices that I need to remind you of before we start our scrumptious feast. First of all, I would like to remind you all that the Forbidden forest was named just that because it is forbidden to all students. Second, Mr Filch would like to remind you that several items have been added to the list of things banned in the corridors, for full details, see the list that is attached to Mr Filch’s office door,” Jiara noticed that as he said this, Professor Dumbledore’s beard twitched slightly. “Well, I think that is all things of importance, so let the feast begin.” With that, food suddenly appeared on the dishes in front of them. Jiara had never seen so much of all her favourite foods in one place before. She was very hungry but pondered, for a moment on where the food had appeared from. Jiara’s hunger suddenly took over for her curiosity and she dug into the food before her. There were plenty of foods that Jiara had never even seen before but because she was such an adventurous girl, she decided to try everything, so that she wouldn’t miss out. There were items of food, though, that she had heard a lot about and she was certainly not keen to try them. That was, things like, black pudding and, Jiara thought for a moment that she saw some haggis, but there wasn’t much. The remaining food soon disappeared and the plates shone momentarily gold before they were filled again, now by deserts of every kind! Jiara once again tucked in and talked and laughed with her friends. Soon the plates before them were emptied and they were glittering gold once more. Jiara suddenly realised how tired she really was. Dumbledore stood up and waited for everyone to become quiet. “Now,” he said, “that everyone is well fed and watered, I would like to wish you all a good night. Lessons will begin on Monday and you will receive your timetables at breakfast. Thank-you all and goodnight.” He then promptly sat down. One of the prefects from the Gryffindor table stood up and called to all the first years to follow her up to the dormitories. Jiara got up with her friends and walked over to the prefect. When everyone was there they all followed her to the Gryffindor common room. They walked up to the marble staircase and turned left. It was then that they noticed the moving staircases. All there was, up as far as they could see staircases that moved around. The group was still for a moment. Jiara was absolutely astounded! How was she going to remember her way around? The same thoughts, meanwhile, were passing through the heads of Jiara’s other classmates. The prefect turned around and yelled at them all to hurry up and pay attention so that they would remember the way next time. Finally, they arrived at the end of a corridor. On the wall was hanging a large picture of a fat lady who wore a lacy pink dress. “Password,” she said as they came to a stop in front of her. The prefect turned to the group of first years and said, “Now, pay close attention, otherwise, you won’t be able to get into the common room.” She turned back to the portrait, “The password is ‘Quidditch’.” the lady in the portrait nodded her head slightly and the portrait swung forward to reveal a large hole. They all climbed through and shut the portrait behind them. The prefect turned to the group and said, “Welcome to the Gryffindor common room. My name is Alexandra Pippet and I am the fifth year Gryffindor prefect. I am quite happy to help you with any problems you have, should you ask me. You will find that your stuff has been taken up to your dormitories. The girls are the third door to the right on the right hand staircase; the boys are the same on the left staircase. Goodnight.” Jiara turned to the boys and said good-night. Then she, Hilary and a few other girls went up to their dormitory. Jiara found her stuff and went to a bed. As she got changed into her pyjamas, Jiara remembered that she could now get out her pendant from her mother. She looked around the room, thinking. After a minute or so, Jiara decided that she was too tired now, and besides, she didn’t want to disturb Professor Dumbledore. So Jiara got into bed and set her alarm to wake her up at 5:00 in the morning. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*nice big postie for yas there!! hmmm.... is the purple alright?? or should i change colour?? please tell me if you cant read it
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 8, 2006 10:00:42 GMT 2
here's nother post peoples!! Chapter 7 The Pendant
The next morning, Jiara woke before the alarm. She quickly turned it off so that it wouldn’t wake the others up unnecessarily. She then quietly got out of bed, dressed and went downstairs to the common room to check no one was there. She glanced around and decided that nobody was there and quietly went back upstairs to get her present from her mum. When she returned she tiptoed up to a chair near the fire. It was then that she noticed that she had been wrong in assuming no one was there because there sat, were she couldn’t see him before, Aaron. He was smiling up at her and when he saw that she had seen him he whispered. “Hello beautiful.” Jiara was worrying about the gift, how was she supposed to get Aaron to leave without her sounding rude? “Come sit down Jiara, you scaredy cat. What is it that has you so afraid of me?” Aaron whispered. His startlingly blue eyes were searching her face. Jiara decided what she would have to do in an instant. “Aaron,” she whispered back, “I’ve got something that no one is supposed to know about, so I’m trusting you, ok.” She walked over to Aaron and sat down at the foot of his chair. Jiara took a deep breath and pulled back the shiny gold paper. As the paper was ripped open, Jiara heard Aaron gasp behind her. Her own breath seemed to have been caught in her throat. The pendant was magnificent. It was shaped, just like the letter had said, as a flame. But that was not what made it so amazing. It was the way it glittered and glowed like a real live fire and it had a certain aura about it that gave the feeling that it held some great and terrible power. Jiara made to pick it up, but just then, she noticed that there was a note lying underneath it. So instead of picking up the pendant, she removed the note and read it out loud.
Jiara, This is your pendant now. It has been an heirloom of the Evans’ for over 6 generations. My mother gave it to me when I turned 11. It was not used for 3 generations before me because my great grandmother was a Squib and my grandmother and mother did not know that they were related to magic folk until I got my letter. There is no particular way you have to handle it but make sure it is not touched by any but you. The pendant only recognises you as the Evans’ heir. Good-bye my darling and may you have my blessing with you at all times. Love, your mother, Lily Evans
“Wow Jiara! What is that?” said Aaron, suddenly startling Jiara. “Oh, um, it’s a necklace from my mum,” replied Jiara. Jiara stretched out her hand to the pendant very slowly. She noticed that her fingers were tingling as they got closer. She closed her eyes and closed her hand around the dancing flame and felt straight away, as though she had been electrocuted. But the shock didn’t hurt. It almost felt, well, pleasant. Jiara realised that she still had her eyes closed and she opened them quickly. She let go of the pendant and grabbed the chain. As she did so, she suddenly felt weak, like she had been running for a long time. She turned around to face Aaron. He looked worried. “Are you okay?” he asked, “I mean, what is that thing? And why did you light up when you touched it?” “I have absolutely no idea, but I am tired, can I lay my head on your lap?” said Jiara. She felt exhausted. “Sure,” said Aaron. Jiara started to move closer towards him but suddenly she fainted. Aaron didn’t know what he was supposed to do. “Jiara? Jiara, are you all right?” he whispered into her ear. She didn’t stir. He decided that he was going to have to carry her down to the Hospital Wing. He only vaguely knew where that was though. He was just bending over to pick Jiara up when she opened her eyes. “Oh, Aaron, I’m so sorry,” she said in barely a whisper. “I’ll wait while before I go to Dumbledore. Come on and let me rest on your lap and we’ll talk.” Aaron looked anxious. “Please,” Jiara begged. Aaron gave in. “Alright.” he said reluctantly, “But I’ll come to you this time.” And with that he sat on the floor next to her. “Do you think you could put my necklace on me without touching the pendant?” Jiara asked softly. Aaron nodded. He took the ends of the chain and did it up at the back of her neck. When he did this, Jiara glowed slightly again and then she became still. “You haven’t fainted on me again have you?” he asked, listening attentively. “No,” Jiara replied, even quieter than before, “I’m exhausted though. My mum said I would feel weak but I never knew it would be this bad.” She closed her eyes. Aaron lifted her head up onto his lap. Jiara stirred and looked up. “Thank-you Aaron,” she said softly, “you’re taking this better than I thought you would, I thought you would bombard me with questions or something.” She took a shuddering breath. “So tell me, why were you down here? It’s five in the morning. You don’t wake up this early all the time, do you?” “Well, no,” replied Aaron, “you see I just had this feeling that I should get up early this morning, that’s all.” Aaron looked puzzled. Jiara dropped her gaze from Aaron’s eyes, he looked confused. He had good reason to be confused; beside from the fact that he had no idea what Jiara was going on about, when he had looked Jiara in the eyes, he had heard a voice speaking in his head. It had sounded like Jiara’s voice and it had said, Oh no, I hope I haven’t done something wrong! Mum did say not to let anyone else know… Aaron kept this to himself. He thought he must have been dreaming. Instead he continued to run his fingers through Jiara’s hair. And so they sat for two whole hours, by the fire, not talking, just sitting there. Jiara went to sleep for half and hour then woke up. When she woke, Aaron asked, “Jiara, are you alright? I think I should take you to the hospital wing or something. Do you think you can stand?” Jiara nodded and sat up. Aaron stood and helped her to her feet. Then, with Jiara leaning on his shoulder slightly, he took her out through the portrait hole. Jiara noticed as they walked, that Aaron seemed to pretty much know his way around. “Aaron,” she said as he led her slowly down one of the staircases, “why do you know your way around so well?” Aaron blushed. “Well my parents come here all the time for the summer holidays, they’re really good friends of Dumbledore you know, and well, I always wander around a lot so I know a fair bit of the castle. Well, enough to not get too lost, anyway.” They eventually got to the hospital wing. As soon as they entered through the doors, the matron swooped down on Jiara, just as if she had been expecting her. “I thought you would turn up my dear,” she said, “yes I know all about that necklace thing, your mother was fairly ill when she started playing with it. I was expecting that you would too, as soon as you had a moment to yourself. But I see you weren’t alone. I thought I told Lily to write that you shouldn’t show anyone else in the letter.” She bustled around and set Jiara on one of the beds. “Oh, but she did miss,” said Jiara as the matron took Jiara’s temperature. “Well then, why didn’t you do that child? Though I suppose this is a friend of yours, is he not?” she said while examining Jiara’s hands. “You seem to be in good order, but I would like you to stay for a while, if you will. By the way dear, my name is Madam Pomfrey.” And with that she bustled away to her office to get something. As soon as she had disappeared, Jiara turned to Aaron who was standing nervously beside her and said, “Aaron, you’d better go back to the common room and tell Hilary that I’m here, but,” she continued as Aaron turned to leave, “don’t tell her, or the others, about what happened, OK? It’s strictly between you and me, alright? Now go on, I’ll be fine.” Aaron turned and left. As soon as he did, Jiara felt lonely but she couldn’t ponder in it for long because Madam Pomfrey promptly walked back into the room with a bottle full of some sort of blue liquid. “Now, dear, what was your name again? Ah, yes, that’s right, Jiara. Now I’m going to give you this potion. It doesn’t taste particularly nice but it will make you feel much stronger. Here you go,” she poured a small amount into the goblet in her hand and gave it to Jiara, “that’s it deary, its awful stuff isn’t it? But it does its job well. Ok then, I’ll keep you here for 10 minutes and we’ll see how you’re feeling, Ok?” and with that, Madam Pomfrey walked off into her office again. Jiara lay back onto the pillows and stared at the ceiling. Meanwhile, Aaron was making his way back to the Gryffindor common room. But he was thinking about what he was going to tell the others. They would want to know straight away why she was at the hospital wing. They might even blame him. Oh well, he thought, I’ll just tell them that I came down early and she wanted me to take her to the hospital wing. Yeah, that sounds good enough. He rehearsed it in his head several times until it sounded perfect. When he got to the portrait, the fat lady was already awake. He gave the password and clambered through the hole. The first thing he noticed was that Hilary was sitting on a chair by the fire and she was looking at the gold paper on the ground with curiosity. “Where have you been?” she asked as Aaron walked across the room. “I took Jiara to the hospital wing,” he replied, not looking in Hilary’s eyes. “Why did she need to go to the hospital wing? Is she alright?” Hilary didn’t know why, but she had a strange feeling that Aaron was deliberately avoiding her eyes. “Yeah, she’s fine,” Aaron said to the ground, “but I have no idea why she needed to go there, I just came down and she was sitting on the floor near the fire all tired and she wanted me to help her to the hospital wing.” Aaron thought his story was good but Hilary was a bit suspicious because she could tell that he was definitely trying to not meet her eyes. She didn’t push the subject further though. Instead, she asked Aaron if he could show her where the hospital wing was because she didn’t know the way and she knew for a fact that he knew his way around Hogwarts pretty well. When they got to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was fussing over Jiara’s hand. When she saw Hilary and Aaron she whispered something into Jiara’s ear and Jiara nodded then Madam Pomfrey said, “Well then, that’s alright now. You may leave.” And she turned and walked back into her office. “What was wrong with you?” Hilary asked as they walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. “Oh nothing,” replied Jiara in her usual tone, “I was just opening that present from my mum, you know, that one that was in my vault, and I cut myself on the wrapping paper, it was pretty sharp.” “But Aaron said that you were all weak and tired,” persisted Hajoja, as they entered the Great Hall. “Oh! That was because I couldn’t sleep last night and I spent the night next to the fire,” Jiara lied quickly. Hilary gave up. The story made perfect sense, yet she had the feeling that they weren’t telling her something. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Post by kirkangle101 on Feb 10, 2006 12:00:58 GMT 2
Heya, soz for not bumping for a while. My comp broke
But:
BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ………
BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP BUMP………………..BUMP ………BUMP BUMP………
……… BUMP………..BUMP ……… ……… BUMP…….….BUMP ……… ……… BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… ……… BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… ……… BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… BUMP………. BUMP……….BUMP BUMP………. BUMP……….BUMP BUMP………………..……….BUMP BUMP………………..……….BUMP BUMP………………..……….BUMP BUMP……………….…….….BUMP BUMP……………….…….….BUMP BUMP……………….…….….BUMP
BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP………………. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ……… BUMP………………………. BUMP………………………. BUMP………………………. BUMP………………………. BUMP………………………. BUMP……………………….
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ……... BUMP
There ya go, a nice big bump to make up ;D
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 15, 2006 11:43:27 GMT 2
;D thanx.... might post again another day - too much to catch up on right now!!
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Post by kirkangle101 on Feb 15, 2006 16:18:56 GMT 2
Bumperdeydoodlez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ~*Kirkangle*~
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Post by Her Evil Muffiness to you!! on Feb 18, 2006 7:47:38 GMT 2
k - post coming up ;D
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